She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
