So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
