shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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