Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
