____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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