So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
