Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
