I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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