I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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