I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
