my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
about cumming, not toast
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.