From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we're so committed to being not committed