Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n