my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was