i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.