Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.

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(770): View more from Georgia

If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

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(563): View more from Iowa

Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.

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(416): View more from Toronto

They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water

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(615): View more from Tennessee

How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.

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(503): View more from Oregon

we're so committed to being not committed

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