My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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