I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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