I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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