Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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