You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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