you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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