I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
