That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
