Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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