Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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