You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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