end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
