she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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