Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
