Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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