anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
