No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
