So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i think my cat just said my name.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
