if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
