I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
