Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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