If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
