maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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