my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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