To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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