I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
