ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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