med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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