She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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