I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
