I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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