I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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