Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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