Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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