I am midnight drunk by noon
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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