Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We have started to decorate penises.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
