Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
