i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
whose parrot is this?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
