I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
