What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
