Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
