i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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