I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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