i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
