At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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