16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
