I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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