apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
