How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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