we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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