Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
