Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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