I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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