I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
